Twilight Review

*For those of you who have not read the Twilight series spoilers follow*

I read the Twilight series for a couple of reasons:

1. I wanted to know what all the hype was about.
2. My sister was reading them and I wanted to have something to talk to her about.

I love vampire books, maybe it’s the dark element of these immortal beings forced to stay out of the light and drink the blood of us mere mortals, more than likely it’s because they have sex all the time. :-p I had heard that Twilight was different and I knew lots of people that made fun of them but would all these women love the books if they were really that bad?

Yes. Yes they would. Have you ever watch Laguna Beach and been trapped unable to turn the channel because you are so amazed at how stupid the people are? That is what it was like to read those books. I’m not going to talk about the lack of structure in the writing or the limited vocabulary; I’m just going to complain about the story.

First, I want to know who the fuck gave this woman the right to re-write the mythology of vampires. Yes some things have always been altered by whoever was writing, like is it a virus or some sort of magical reason for malady, or do they get some sort of super powers, does silver hurt them. She made them sparkle when they are hit by sunlight. SPARKLE WTF?!? It’s also pretty much impossible to kill them unless you rip them limb from limb then burn them. Part of what I liked about vampires is the fact that you have a being that is so powerful but at the same time has several major weaknesses.

Second, her main lead was a weak little girl. Here’s a girl that is surrounded by supernatural men that want her for no apparent reason (unless the fact that she smells great is a good reason) and she lets them walk all over her. Edward dictates everything that she can and cannot do and she follows his orders. If she does break it she feels completely guilt ridden even though he has no just cause to give orders at all. All she ever thinks about is how much she loves him and she wants to be a vampire and be by his side forever. Who cares that she will never be able to have his child and that she will never be able to hang out with her best friend? Oh wait but she gets all of that. In the world of Twilight there are no undesirable consequences. So the question is why isn’t everyone a vampire?

Third, vampires, or at least the Cullen’s, are prudes. Edward is insistent that they not have sex until they are married. It’s ok for him to sleep in her bed and make out all night long but he won’t screw her till she’s trapped in holy matrimony and can’t back out when she finds out he’s got a tiny dick. He tells her about how awesome it is and how you can have sex for hours because you don’t need to sleep and you recoup really fast, but “oh no we can’t do it until that ring is on your finger.” The books are prudish not only on vampire book standards but on young adult book standards as well.

These books are terrible for many reasons and yet women (and I’m sure some men) love them. They have devoured these books and purchased so much merchandise that Wal-Mart actually has a dedicated section for Twilight. It is truly saddening and what’s worse is that I own all four of them.

Stephenie Meyer I want a refund.

Chili recipe
1lb of turkey meat
1 can of Del Monte diced tomatoes with green chili’s
1 can of diced tomatoes
2 cans of dark red kidney beans, drained
½ teaspoon of basil
5 teaspoons of chili powder
1/8 teaspoon of black pepper
1 tablespoon of garlic
1 yellow onion

Brown turkey meat with diced onion, black pepper, and garlic. Drain meat. Add both cans of tomatoes and drained kidney beans, basil, and chili powder. Bring to a boil the turn down to a simmer for 20-30 minutes.

Ways to kill time while the chili simmers: read a book, watch a 30 minute TV show, have sex ;-) If for whatever reason your chosen activity runs long that's ok, the longer it simmers the better it tastes.
Honestly I prefer the last option but you are free to do what you like.

"Your balls Mr. Darcy?"

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

First off I have to say I love Pride and Prejudice, I read it every couple of years and it always fills me with a feeling of happiness and contentment. If I had seen this adaption in any other mood then the one I had been in when I first saw it I might have been offended at the idea of them taking a book I love and defiling it with zombies. Instead I purchased it and have thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

The addition of the walking dead and their quest for brains give the book a hilarious twist. Countless times I found myself bursting out with laughter. *SPOILER* The part where Elizabeth fights off the ninjas and rips one of their hearts out only to then begin eating it is so tremendously funny. Even more amusing is the conversation held about Mr. Darcy’s balls. :-p

This is a book I would highly recommend to anyone who loved the original. Even with the addition of zombies the classic story shines through and is not lost amid all the blood and gore.

The Slayer of Vampires

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)
I really enjoyed watching this show, enough so that I went out and bought the comic books just to see what happened next. Since I waited until after the show had aired I got to sit down and watch the entire series from start to finish and I have to say that’s really the best way to watch suspenseful TV show. Lol

It was interesting to watch as the characters developed, not many shows can get their characters to evolve like they did on this show. You saw each episode after each triumph or defeat how it affected them.

Buffy became stronger as a leader and realized that you can’t always choose your loved ones over the good of the world, she made tough decisions and I guess woke up to what life really was as a Slayer. The fact that she had to make those decisions though made her expect the same from those around her and they weren’t as strong, her attitude towards her “Scooby gang” could be very harsh when they failed her, though she almost always apologized when she had cooled down.

Willow was a great character to watch grow. You got to see her blossom when she became friends with Buffy. She went from being a sidekick, basically, to being a powerful witch who was capable of handling herself on her own. She was even able to admit when she had a problem and work towards controlling it. It was nice to see her find her place in the world.

Xander was probably my favorite character, no matter what the situation he was always there to help and provide a note of humor to a dire situation. Once Willow became a witch he often felt like the useless one, and the evil elements liked to make him think so; but he was able to see his friends for who they really where, just a couple of young adults having to face impossible circumstances. He listened when they needed him and could sense when there was a problem in someone’s life. He was the backbone of the group.

Dawn’s character, to be honest annoyed the shit out of me until the last season. She was a normal teenager that acted like the world revolved around her. When she finally grew out of that phase it was a welcome change. She became a watcher in training and she was very good at it. For a time, at least, she found her place in the group.

I could go on about the other characters, Giles, Spike, etc… but I won’t. This was a great TV show, something I would recommend to anyone who likes strong female roles and a supernatural environment. What makes it even better is that the comics take the story even further. They are able to do so much more now that they aren’t bound by a reality.




P.S.
Best episode was “Once More with Feeling” made me sing and laugh.

Glutton for Punishment?

I have to say I wasn’t very impressed with Angel and Spike After the Fall. The art isn’t that great and the story is very convoluted. I read them because I loved the TV show Angel and the comic Buffy was good, but these are just a mess. They jump around too much. One moment you’re following Angel’s story then for a couple of pages you’re onto Conner’s story, then Spike’s, and etc… I guess I like that I get to see what happened after the show but right now it’s like the later seasons with no hope and everyone dying. I guess I was hoping that it would be more like the first season with at least a few light moments. With Buffy there is a lot of end of the world moments but there are characters and other story lines that keep things lighter. There needs to be that humor element in Angel After the Fall. I guess I can’t have it all, either way I’m going to continue to read.

Maybe it's just all the boobs talking

“Playboy: The Mansion” is the game I’ve been playing lately. It’s been very entertaining and has served its purpose of keeping me from re-activating my WoW account well. It is very much like the Sims in that you have to maintain relationship levels and keep people happy, but it adds a new element. You are publishing Playboy issues and trying to promote the company. The Sims games on consoles did something similar, you had goals you had to meet and were unable to progress to the next level without completing them; but I think that the Playboy game has actually done a better job at it. Not only do you have the goals they’ve given you to complete but all the time you have to keep pumping out magazines to continue to earn money.

As I’ve progressed the game has gotten a little redundant, but it has still managed to entertain (that might have something to do with the fact that there are topless women everywhere). You spend the majority of your time throwing parties, networking with people, trying to get the next big name to either do a cover shoot or an interview for your magazine.

There are a lot of little details you have to keep under control. If your journalist isn’t happy she might not write a very good article, which is why you need to keep her satisfied *wink wink*. It also pays to get your photographer and your bunnies talking; if he likes her he’ll take better photos. Once again lots of micro-management, just the way I like it.

On a scale of 1 to 10 I would probably rank this a 6. It entertains and keeps you busy, but I feel there was a lot more they could have done. It is over all just a bit too easy and repetitive. Each new mission is almost like the last with just one more extra party you have to throw. There is also a lot of load time, which I guess I shouldn’t complain about because it is just a PS2 game and it’s still not as bad as some other games. I guess I would describe it as a light game to play in between intense high action games.

All I could want in a game, except hookers

As someone who has been a fan of the Harvest Moon series since the gamecube, Rune Factory already had an appeal; but when I was told there was monster killing in it as well I knew I had to try it. It tied both of my worlds together, now if I only I could kill hookers it would be perfect, oh well.

The character you play as has amnesia and ends up in the small town of Trampoli. You’re given a farm by a young woman named Mist, who to be honest fits the profile of a blond ditz to a “T”. You then must find your place in town. You get to farm, fight monsters, and woo a beautiful woman; and that’s just a few of the things.

As you progress a story unfolds and you must save the land around you; but don’t worry no pressure what so ever. The story can be done at your own time and pace. There is no deadline, well for most things there isn’t; one woman will leave for most of the year unless you give her a baby elephant but you know no biggie she’s a spoiled brat any way.

The point is that you get to set the pace at which the story unfolds. If you like to rush through it that’s fine, you might not get to go as fast as you like since you will need to grow some crops to be able to forge certain weapons, but you don’t have to spend the majority of your time doing it if you don’t want to. The same goes for if you prefer to farm and spend some time with your family and get to the fighting when you feel like it. This game is played differently by everyone.

My game strategy is to build up my farm; I feel I can’t be a productive fighter if I know my fields are full of large stones and stumps. I like things all nice and orderly at home with the wife in the kitchen where she belongs. Then I go out and fight the big bad. To some that might seem backward but it’s the way I prefer to do things.

This is definitely not a game for someone looking to kill a couple hours. 100 hours can easily be spent and you’ll still have things left over to do. I have spent over 40 hours on the game already and to be honest I feel like I’ve barely made a dent in all there is to do. I still have yet to get the girl, level my house all the way up, or even progress too far into the Lava Ruins. There is always something that needs to be done to the point where sometimes you have to step back and put a few things on the side burner. I can easily see spending 100 more hours playing.